Our God...

... is greater

... is stronger
... is higher
... is healer
... is awesome in power


My precious small group
(plus my sweet friend Nicole and beautiful roommate Natalie)

Our gracious small group leader Paulette sponsored all of us to walk in the Race for the Cure in honor of my wonderful mommy.


As well as asking for prayers for the Campbells, prayers for my mom and my friend Casey's dad would be greatly, greatly appreciated. You can learn more about their situation on my dear friend Meredith's blog or this Facebook page. I've only met Casey's dad once, but I know he is a great man of great faith and would really appreciate you praying for him and his family.

I'm just so thankful that our God is healer... that He will take care of us even through these hard times... that He is comforting me in a way that I cannot understand... that He has a purpose and a plan for our lives... that He is using these trials for His glory... that He can use me as an instrument for His kingdom.

Sickness, such as cancer and Amyloidosis, is something that I will never understand, and something that will always be so hard to cope with. I can't imagine going through something like that without faith that God is filtering it through His hands and taking care of us in all of it.

I want to love because You loved.

That last post when I was talking about how I am feeling so drained... dumb. dumb. dumb. Although it is true- I do feel very drained, the answer is not to stop loving someone. The answer is to be more filled. It's sad that I typed those selfish things out when I knew all along that they were selfish. WHY do I give into the flesh so often?

To all my friends and to all the people that I love (whether you love and pursue me or not)-
I want to love you like Christ loves you, and I am so sorry for letting my selfishness get in the way of that over and over again. It's not about me. It's not about me feeling dried up. It's about Jesus, being filled with Him and because I'm so filled with Him, overflowing with Him and His love.

I want to love because He loved. Not because I want to be loved in return. I am loved unconditionally by my God and that's all the love I need.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I thought I would have lots of blogging time this weekend since five of my closest friends were at one of the most wonderful places of earth- Windy Gap. Although I missed them very much, I enjoyed praying for them and the high schoolers they were hanging out and sharing Jesus with! and somehow managed to keep myself entertained- being really sick for two days, spending time with my team- dinner and a movie and going to the CAK game, spending time with my momma, getting a traumatizing haircut, going on walks, hanging out with friends from high school, and going to church.

Today at church Tim Miller spoke about "Undeniable Forgiveness." I had actually heard this sermon before at The Walk... He used the scripture about the woman caught in adultery (John 8), and emphasized that it's only at the cross that Jesus says we don't owe Him anymore and that He offers us forgiveness.

2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Colossians 2:13-14
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.

"If the God of Heaven and Earth has chosen to forgive you, who are you to hold anything against yourself?" -Scott Cagle (I really liked that)

John 8:31-32
Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

It doesn’t matter what You’ve done;
It doesn't matter where you're coming from
Doesn’t matter where you’ve been,
Hear me tell you I forgive

You’re not guilty anymore,
You're not filthy anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours
You're not broken anymore,
You're not captive anymore
I love you, mercy is yours

Can you believe that this is true,
Grace abundant I am giving you
Cleansing deeper than you know,
All was paid for long ago

There is now therefore no condemnation
for those who are in Jesus

You are spotless
You are holy
You are faultless
You are whole
You are righteous
You are blameless
You are pardoned
You are mine

1 John 3:16-20

My sweet friends that I went to Africa with have an ongoing thread on Facebook just catching up, planning a reunion, and talking about how we want to continue to give to our dear friends in Africa...
Ryan sent us this verse to read and pray over:

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Wow. I often think that I am "a broke college student," but in reality I have so much. I may not have a ton of money right now, but even the money I do have can be used on things so much bigger than Chick-fil-a and 3 Spoons. Beyond that, though, I have so many material possessions when I compare my belongings to what my African friends have.

(their oven/stove)

(their dryer)

(their sink- a good distance from their 'house')

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry...

2 Corinthians 4:8-12
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
16-20
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us and eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

So thankful for a God that never leaves my side. Thankful for a God that doesn't "just stand there and watch me burn," but walks with me through the fire. Thankful for a God that understands my suffering, that is making me more like him through these hard times. Thankful that He is near the broken-hearted, not just watching me cry when I feel like that's all anyone else is doing. Thankful that He is my strong tower, that I can always run to Him. Thankful that He is teaching me to run to Him instead of to others even though it's so difficult when I want tangible comfort and audible words of reassurance. Thankful that He has overcome, that He will not let me be defeated.

I'm alive to live for YOU.

Really upset that all my pictures are gone! Tried to fix a couple, but it wasn't really working... As Chelcie would say- "tragic!"

Something about this weekend (maybe the excitement, maybe the lack of sleep, maybe the quality time with friends, maybe slamming my finger in the car door and using the boo boo bunny, but mostly likely becoming famous- being on ESPN and dominating the jumbotron) made me feel like myself again for the first time since I got back from Africa. I don't think I even realized how much I hadn't been myself until I felt like I was being myself again... if that makes any sense at all. I knew things were different- that I was even more awkward than before, that I never felt like being social, that my friendships were suffering which I think I blamed more on my friends than on myself which is completely backwards. I have been really clingy in some of my relationships lately (you know who you are, and I am sorry), and I have pushed others away drastically (again, sorry).

All of this is not to say that I'm completely back to the person I was before my trip because that would be false... It was a life-changing experience, and I don't think I will ever be the same because of it. I learned so much about my God, so much about myself, so much about Young Life and my ministry, and so much about relationships. I also grew so much in so many ways, and I am so thankful for that. I hope that I will be changed forever by what this trip taught me, but it is good to "feel like myself again" finally!

In my life, be lifted high.

This is the cry of my heart. That God will be lifted high in my life. That He will be glorified. That others will not see me, but see Him in me. That people will be drawn to Him.

The verse I've been trying to live by this week is Ephesians 4:1-2

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

We had CAK ice cream Olympics on Monday night, and to be completely honest, I was really dreading it. I was in a terrible mood the whole day, but was constantly praying for God to change my attitude. As soon as I picked up the first two girls, they were so excited that it got my spirits up... when we got to the Kolinsky's there were already a bunch of cars there and people just kept coming. So many kids came and everyone had a great time (including me). It really encouraged me for my ministry this year and for club. I learned a lot and was reminded of so many things of what Young Life is about and what it means while I was in Africa (ironic that I learned when I was supposed to be the one teaching, but that was true for the whole trip in general pretty much) that I hope I can bring into my ministry at CAK.

I think all of CAK must have shown up... so many kids!

love these girls

all the sophomores

You thought wrong.

God definitely has a sense of humor. I know everyone has experienced that in their own way at some point in time... but my most recent experience with it was when I arrived in Bulawayo. As I mentioned before I left, I wasn't nervous at all going into the trip- I was completely trusting God... or so I thought. I'm sure He thought that was pretty funny, and He obviously wanted to show me that the one thing I thought I was good at (sorry Mrs. Crawford), I really wasn't. It's true that going into it I wasn't fearful because I knew that God's will would be done... but I wasn't trusting God with every step I took like I should have been. Therefore, when I got to Africa, He threw me for a loop. I realized that Gary and Judy weren't going to give us a detailed day by day schedule of our time there, and that freaked me out. I was already in such a foreign place and now it seemed very unorganized... Not exactly my type of trip. If I had known what the trip was going to be like before I got there, I can pretty much guarantee that I wouldn't have gone... and that is why I'm so glad I didn't know what I was getting myself into because it was such an incredible experience. It's ironic (to me, not to God) that while I was there the main thing I learned was how to rely on God daily (even hourly) and that's really what I thought I already had under control. Just proof of how much better He knows me than I know myself. Almost immediately after I got home I was shown a huge reason why He was teaching me to trust in Him, and I can now honestly say that I am relying on Him.

Be still, my soul.

In just 66 hours (give or take a lot because my math is probably way off), I will be getting on the plane to head to New York! I've never been there before- unfortunately, I probably won't see much besides the airport and hotel so the shopping and sight-seeing will have to wait for another trip.

Anyway, my first real entry was titled "Comfortable," and I was just thinking that it's a little bit ironic (for lack of a better word) that I am getting ready to put myself in a position that will be very UNcomfortable for me. I will be way out of my comfort zone, but that's something that God constantly asks of us because if we're always comfortable we're likely living selfishly and not with the goal of glorifying God and spreading His love.

Normally by this time I would be FREAKING OUT about the fact that I am going to AFRICA in a few short days... However, God has filled my heart with unexplainable peace. Honestly, it is so weird! Obviously it's all God... but it's still strange that I'm not worried and I'm hardly nervous at all. The only thing I'm worried about is forgetting my passport or something ridiculous like that! I'm slightly nervous simply because my parents are the ones freaking out! and since they are, I feel like I should be! They're worried that I'm going to get sick, something that affects my already weak heart... I know it's probably unlikely, but it could happen. I'm not concerned about it though because I know that God will protect me- if it's His will, I will stay safe and remain healthy... and if it is His will for me to get sick, or even die, then that's HIS WILL. I trust Him 100% with my life because He's the One who created me! And hey, if I die in Zimbabwe, that's a pretty cool way to go.

I'm not the least bit afraid of dying. I hate to say I look forward to it, but I long for the day that I get to meet my Jesus face to face and spend eternity in His presence. The only thing that worries me about dying is that my family would be sad... I don't want that for them at all. I don't mean to say I'm super or important or anything like that, I just think they'd be upset. Hopefully God would overwhelm them with comfort in the fact that I would be completely filled with joy, forever worshiping my God.

This was a weird, random post. Hope it wasn't too morbid...

All of that just to say that I am really looking forward to this trip to Zimbabwe. I can't believe how fast it's approaching. And I am the one that is currently overwhelmed by a sense of comfort and peace from my sweet, sweet Jesus.

Comfortable

Way too often I become comfortable. I think it typically happens during the summer because I don't have a set schedule and life seems to be pretty "worry-free." I get so caught up in unimportant things that I am not yearning for growth in my relationship with the Lord. Life is good- I babysit, hang out with friends, eat (a lot), spend time with family, sleep... but it's nothing like having a schedule of classes. The only structure is that I babysit every Monday and almost every Tuesday and go to church on Sundays. For some reason this makes it more difficult for me to have a structured daily time with the Lord... seems like it'd be easier since I don't have many things that I have to do. I get so caught up in reading books or reading blogs that I nearly forget that I need to read my Bible and end up doing it right before I go to bed when I'm too tired to even comprehend. Occasionally I'll even just "put it off" til the next day which usually means I'll end up skipping that days completely. The worst part is that I'm entirely aware of it all and still let it happen.

Thank goodness my God is so merciful. Obviously I am so unworthy of His grace and His love, but He continues to remind me so frequently just how much he loves and desires me for some reason that I will never completely understand. It is amazing that I continually run back to Him apologizing, and He accepts me each time with open arms. It makes me feel that much more guilty! But the beauty is that I don't have to because He has taken that guilt upon Himself. It's an ongoing cycle of me daily messing up and Him constantly forgiving me and loving me. Amazing.