YoungLife Africa

I heard/saw via Facebook that Nkosi was in America for All Staff Conference. I was so excited that he could be here (even though I never dreamed I'd get to see him!). I also was sad, though, because I wonder what it's like for a Zimbabwean to come see all these spoiled, rich people in America living their lives oblivious to the fact that there are starving people back in his hometown. I know not everyone is spoiled and not everyone is oblivious... but most of the time we all act as if we are, myself included. I've seen the poverty firsthand, but what am I doing about it? I'm going through college living the most selfish years of my life. Most of what I'm doing right now is for me. Paying lots of money to make myself educated and better suited for a job, and I hate that. I don't want to be living selfishly... but this is where God has me right now. I haven't come this far to give up now. So hopefully once I do get that degree I can use it to help people, to make a difference.

I think of and miss Africa often, but it stopped being an every day thing after a while. I still want to go back, desperately... but I don't think about it constantly. I wrote on Nkosi's wall to see if he would be coming to Knoxville, and HE SAID HE WAS! I was thrilled to hear this! I'll have to talk more about him specifically in another post. He is probably the most genuine person I have ever met. His life is so simple, so impoverished, but yet he loves so hard. He loves Young Life leaders, he loves high school kids, and above all he loves the Lord. So well. He has had a rough, sad life. He has nothing to offer but Jesus Christ. But, man, does he offer Him to others.

I was so blessed to get to spend a few weeks watching Nkosi live his life in Zimbabwe, but how cool that he got to come and see a glimpse of my life?! I hope he enjoyed it instead of just being completely disgusted by it. I only got to see him briefly at the Young Life house when he and two other Africans came to share about their ministries. It was incredible to hear and so cool that I could actually picture what they were talking about since I had seen life in Zimbabwe. It made that longing and desire to go back even stronger. I miss it.

relationships.

"because God loves us so, he is not satisfied with us as we are. He looks down at us and sees many areas where change and growth are needed. He couldn't love us and be willing to leave us in our immaturity and weakness. So, God takes us where we do not want to go in order to produce in us what we could not achieve on our own - character. And how does he do this? He uses the difficult experiences of life to expose and change our hearts. One of his main tools is our relationships. These messy relationships expose our hearts, bring us to the end of ourselves and cause us to reach out for the help that only Jesus can give us." 

-Paul Tripp

Life.

I feel like a lot has been going on in life lately... In reality, not much has been going on besides school and hanging out with friends... so I what I really mean is that there's been a lot going on in my mind and in my heart. Whenever this happens I want to blog about ALL of it, but I'm not good with words. When I sit down to write it out, I go blank. It's like I'm so overwhelmed with things to say that I can't say anything at all.

So in the sitting, the waiting, the thinking, the praying, the questioning, the being in awe... in the thankfulness, in the confusion, in the overwhelment, in the heartache, and in the joy... in the guilt and the place of feeling deeply, deeply loved and forgiven, in the righteousness, and in trying to figure out how all these feelings can be happening at once, and most of all, in the life change... I will leave you with this: You should read The Discipline of Grace if you haven't already.

Since a lot of what I've been contemplating, thinking about, praying over, sitting in has come from conversation with my small group that has mostly stemmed from the book we're reading, I'm just going to suggest that y'all read it for yourselves... and maybe you can blog about it better than I can! :)

Here's a snapshot from my sweet, sweet friend Brittany's blog. You should check it out!

(I printed this excerpt from the book and gave it to my team at team meeting... Since I'm learning SO much right now, I have to focus on things a little at a time... this is what I'm focusing on right now.)

Confession

I don't know if I have ever publicly admitted this... maybe I have, maybe I haven't. The people that know me best already know this about me.

I am... addicted to... buying nail polish and painting my fingernails (toenails too, but not so much in the winter- they are really bad right now, actually). Second to food, I probably spend the most money on nail polish. Okay, hopefully that's not really true, but that stuff can be expensive!

I have to specifically ask my friends to keep me away from the nail polish sections in stores if I've already bought some that week. You think I'm kidding... but I'm not. I can't keep myself away from it.